Friday, July 3, 2009

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Palin Really REALLY Quit - And Add Yours

Okay, now that we've given a reasonably well-mannered farewell nod to Bad Sarah (see below), please have a glass of virtual champagne as you enjoy the really real reasons why Palin quit being Governor today ~

10. No time for real shopping.

9. Knows this will help her get even bigger ratings when she finally does appear on David Letterman.

8. This was always her plan - likes campaigning but not the other stuff.

7. Governing got in the way of her running schedule.

6. Piper told her to.

5. Wants to explore bi-curious feelings aroused by her association with Greta and John Coale.

4. Church of Scientology told her to. (this works in both serious and comedy catagories - see poll at left).

3. Thinks Tina Fey Would Actually Do A Better Job.

2. More pissed than we realized about having to take stimulus money.

1. Wants to join Blagojevitch, Sanford and "The Governator" on new reality program - "Survivor - The Governor Edition"

ties with

1. Todd is now finally free to pursue his program of freeing Alaska from the US!


Feel like the USA dodged a bullet with Palin? You'll also enjoy "What Are Your Palin White House Headlines" and comments here.

BONUS BUBBLE-WRAP UP :
~Everytime You pOp A Palin Bubble, A Palinbot Is Restored To Sanity~! http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml


Gotta read the rich comments!--------------->


64 comments:

advance, please said...

Can we all say "book deal"?

Anonymous said...

Found out Michelle Bachman was also planning to sport the "up-do" look.

Missy said...

What actually happened - the Lt. Governor beat her at high stakes arm wrestling.

jEDI said...

Fully expects to host "Project Runway Alaska"

Anonymous said...

It's the obvious - now she doesn't have to spend any of that SarahPAC money on politics!

Anonymous said...

Someone told her that committing "political suicide" would make her even more famous, sort of like Elvis.

Colussus20 said...

Refused to see Putin's reared head even one more time!

Anonymous said...

got offered a gig as a witch-hunter with Muthee and decided she needed to go where she could do some real good.

Tex said...

Heard there was an ex-Governor beauty pageant in the works...

Anonymous said...

Rebecca Mansour's "girl-crush" REALLY started to scare her

muddsy said...

Worked on that "pass the ball" bit for so long, and just had to use it in a speech.

Helen said...

Knew it was her one and only chance to upstage Michael Jackson.

wingingit007 said...

She is hoping that while the Team Sarah people are begging her to run again, they'll forget to ask for their SarahPAC money back.

yellojkt said...

She had an affair with an Argentinian polo player. And his horse.

deli-patriot said...

Just couldn't face pardoning the turkey in Alaska again next fall.

passinthru said...

Might have to wear real maternity fashions in public.

Letterfan said...

Thought this moment would play really well in "The Sarah Palin Movie"

Anonymous said...

She's leaving to turn TEAM SARAH into a basketball team that she can coach.

Whoa, Baby! said...

Her house payment is coming due (bwaahaaaaahaaaa).

The Wind said...

Sarah Palin quit so she could have more time changing diapers... Todds....

The WInd said...

Sarah is stepping down from the governor role so she has time to compete for the crown in the Miss Aerial Wolf Hunters of Alaska pageant. The RNC will be funding her wardrobe.

Anonymous said...

South Carolina's Governor Sanford is about to confess his affair with her (he did say there were others), and proof is imminent that her son Trig is actually her daughter Bristol's. So much for Abstinence Programs...

The Wind said...

Sarah is leaving so she can start her new free social networking and micro-blogging service to compete with twitter. its called 'Quitter'

Anonymous said...

This time she really is pregnant, and when people see how big she is a couple of months before delivery, they are going to revoke her "I Love Special Needs Kids License."

Anonymous said...

If she leaves now, she gets to keep that big bag of clothing.

Sparkette said...

Thought that she could get a ton of liberals to start believing in God once they saw their prayers answered.

Anonymous said...

The magazine, House Beautiful, was out there doing a photo shoot for a coming article. Thinking that a piece of molding was a little loose, they tried to adjust it. Imagine their surprise when it revealed a secret compartment. Authorities are still going through the papers stuffed behind the wall.

Anonymous said...

World wide negative publicity hurts Iran. In a secret meeting, officials paid Sarah Palin an undisclosed amount of money to "do anything to get us off the front page, please!"

Anonymous said...

She is running for President in 2012. Here is her stragedy. By causing a fuss now, Republicans are in an uproar. They will not be able to unify and pick a candidate. Sarah will be spared the agony of the primaries, and they will draft her at the convention.She will not need to debate or give interviews. Brilliant!

naliPsiel said...

Wanted to out-mavericky herself!

dragongran said...

To Anonymous,
They (RNC) did that last time and it didn't work then< thank the Lord!

I think she and Hubby Dear are hoping for cecession from the people (US) who were smart enough to reject her.

Think of the $ money to be made on BIG OIL!!!!! For Alaskans, but look out Inuit, along with the wild life she will prob. take out the indiginous peoples who think Alaska will be theirs.

Anonymous said...

Sarah received a top secret telephone call from President Sarkozy of France. It involves such a high level of security that she could not mention it in her speech.

Anonymous said...

Jesus is a maverick. Sarah is just like Jesus.

Nana of the Chesapeake said...

Spenard called...they want their house back.

Anonymous said...

Sarah Palin resigned now so she can model Naughty Monkey shoes for Bill Kristol....privately...back east.

Anonymous said...

Remember when she prayed that a higher power would show her which door to push through-- well, she discovered that the door was triple locked and bolted shut.

Anonymous said...

Just signed the contract for combination Reality News Gossip Adventure Tattoo Sports & Weather Show. They just need a catchy name.

Kat said...

She's going to become the All Powerful High Priestess of Tongues. She will open her own tax-exempt Holy Super Sized Temple and collect 100 million $$$ a year (or month) from her adoring acolytes. A portion of her funds will be used to punish those who sin against her. She shall never be questioned, only adored.

No words of criticism shall be spoken (it's in the by-laws), and she'll have adoring fanatics the rest of her earthly life - which may come shortly as they are all whisked away in the Rapture. Membership is required for Rapturing.

Stapletoungue, Mansewer, and Greta shall be her subordinate priestesses and translators. They will interpret the holy words which flow from She-Who-Must-be-Obeyed's lips (no one else will be able to understand what she is saying).

After the rapture, the earthly kingdom shall live in peace and prosperity.

Anonymous said...

Palin resigned so she can become the new national spokesperson for QUITTERS ANONYMOUS.

espresso4me said...

Soon-to-be-ex-Governor Palin and Governor Perry have explored the possibilities of each other--and have decided to join together and--form a more perfect union of their own.

Jim said...

On C4P, "Videmus Omnia" has just "outed" himself and writes now under his real name (Tim Lindell).

He encourages the readers to "vet" him and admits that he received some speeding tickets in the past.

However, that's not everything.

I posted this message already twice on C4P, and both times it got deleted by them very quickly.

I posted it a third time now, and it certainly will be deleted very quickly, too.

I believe that it's important that the world knows a little bit more about Tim Lindell.

--------------

Hi Tim,

good to see some courage here!

But wait a moment:

Wasn't the reason for your anonymity the fact that at least until very, very recently you were an active duty soldier - and that your activity on this blog was a direct violation of military regulations?

http://www.gordon.army.mil/osja/pamp.htm

There was some PDF document floating around which seemed to contain very precise information...as you will certainly remember, because one of the Alaskan bloggers back then took a stand and defended your anonymity when she received the PDF document and alerted you to it....yes, this blogger who herself was working for the US military for many years, who is handicapped and who has been smeared here at C4P over and over again...

Well done, Tim! You are an outstanding officer, I salute you!

Fuelie said...

I don't like either name suggested on this blog for Sarah Palin in the voting, Sourpuss or Sourpuss Palin. I think she is a poor reincarnation of Annie Oakley from the Old West.

She reminds me of "All in the Family" Archie Bunker referring to his wife Edith as a Dingbat.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. That is exactly what she did. This could be among your top 10 reasons for her quitting.

I can't imaging anyone actually giving her money to give a speech on any topic, much less on politics. She doesn't seem to have a much better command of the English language than George Bush.

I can't imaging why anyone would want to read anything she has to say in a book. The publisher could get better readership if it published stories about the accomplishments of ordinary average American citizens, the unsung heroes of our country.

Human society too often places too much emphasis on the wrong things in life. News media attention to Palin is one such example. People with inflated egos thrive on the attention they get. She should just fade away into obscurity for the good of the country. What an absolute disaster it would have been if McCain won the election, died in office, and she was left in charge.

Anonymous said...

Just received this note from Sarah: Did you guys see me in my favorite yellow sweater? Have you seen my naughty red shoes? I love to wear this stuff! When McCain dressed me for the campaign, his old man taste had me outfitted in the ugliest things that I have ever seen. I don't care how much they cost, ugly! Now, finally, I will be free to wear what I want without criticism. I want to shop at the cheap resale shops without people telling me that's not what a governor should wear. I want to wear a T-shirt when I meet a Foreign Minister of Defense. I want to wear Arctic Cat when I want to. Besides, I just found out after two and a half years-- there's no governor's crown. Not even a sash.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute, I'm resigning? I thought this was a Fire David Letterman Rally.

Jim said...

Everything you always wanted to know about Videmus Omnia aka Tim Lindell from C4P – who “outed” himself today out of solidarity with his hero Sarah Palin (download PDF):

http://uploads.bizhat.com/file/410447

Anonymous said...

Who know that the real reason that Sarah Palin quit is that just wanted to go fishing.

Anonymous said...

Michael Jackson was stealing Sarah's spotlight, so she was willing to say anything to get a little attention. In a few more days, she'll show us the photo taken where her fingers were crossed behind her back, only kidding, not going any place. Can't you guys take a joke?

Vincetastic said...

This is a really great top ten list, but I wish Sarah Palin would not just resign but disappear all together. I'm not sure who hates her more these days, Republicans or Democrats. Anyone can post their own list to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

Helen said...

Hi Feulie ~ Palin has many many many nicknames, I'll probably do a post on them sometime. That poll was still running from the David Letterman debacle and the Sourpuss name came from Palin's incredible lack of a sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

Sarah quit to run for President in the election this November. Oh, wait a minute, aren't we having an election this November? Well, she's got until the 26th to change her mind.

Verbose said...

1. Offered chance to become Victoria's Secret model.

2. Tripp actually A-Rod's child.

3. Fox starting a late-night talk-show opposite Letterman.

4. The scandal about the house does not involve who built it. It involves the secret S&M dungeon in the basement.

5. Someone taught the wolves how to shoot back.

6. Will replace Tina Fey on 30 Rock.

7. Affairs with John Ziegler, Mark Sanford, Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann...

8. Obama's paying her to destroy her career and then run for president.

9. Found out that Todd was going to endorse her opponent in 2010.

and...

10. The voices in her head told her to!

Anonymous said...

Verbose has one great list! (You, too, Helen). I am writing to suggest your another topic for you.

Lately, Sarah's twitters contain profound quotations. Some are imagined (The George Allen quote is only found in a book "Knowledge in a Nutshell for Success"). Some echo through the ages (Plato)

I think that we should save Sarah the trouble of leafing through the volumes of Knowledge in a Nutshell, Bartlett's Quotations or Wikipedia, and supply her with appropriate quotations for her twitters, and of course for her coming book and speeches.

I offer the following that I found on-line (meaning I can't verify it's source):
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." -Ronald Reagan

Helen said...

Hey Anon 2:16

I love it! Thanks for the suggestion...will use it somehow.

Anonymous said...

Everything you always wanted to know about Videmus Omnia aka Tim Lindell from C4P – who “outed” himself and now starts to write guests columns on other blogs, for example on Alaska Dispatch...

http://alaskadispatch.com/palin-watch/1282-palin-is-now-free-to-exercise-her-real-power-

... and has media appearences.

Check out for example his guest appearance on Dan Fagan's show, which was NOT publicised on C4P, because....well, apparently he didn't win the argument:

http://www.thealaskastandard.com/content/there’s-no-denying-it-palinbots-can-be-entertaining

He wants his portion of "fame", and why not? After all, he is the "premier" C4P attack dog, next to R.A. Mansour.

Download the PDF with Tim Lindell's details here (no personal/confidential info, just material he HIMSELF had posted on the internet some time ago):

http://uploads.bizhat.com/file/410447

Don't ya wanna know why he chose to be anonymous for such a long time...?

Anonymous said...

Brand new Sarah Palin music video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&v=-mWqr8pb2MY

Make sure to watch it until the end!!

Helen said...

Hi Shane - took me a couple of days to visit your video - Everybody go! Definitely the most real to life Bad Sarah so far! Loved La Palin doing the robot dance in the middle but fave part is Muffins - can that kitty steal a show or what?

Anonymous said...

Helen, you are never going to run out of humorous material. Along with top ten reasons for Sarah leaving are the numerous things she will be doing once she is out of office:

Can accept that modeling job for Naughty Monkey Shoes

Can issue really nasty insults at Letterman and anyone else who "dissed" her.

Can finally wear very short skirts, Arctic Cat gear, trashy clothes, too much makeup and no one will criticize her anymore.

Can finally appear on TV shows like Larry King, Oprah, Meet the Press. When they ask pesky questions, all she has to say is,
"Sorry, I'm not governor anymore, next question."

Can go to affairs where they give her money, chocolate, clothes, other neat things and not have to make up excuses that she's doing it for Alaska. (Don't tell the IRS, the stuff isn't really income. They just like giving her stuff).

Can finally open that big black garbage bag of Saks and Neiman Marcus stuff that she really wants to wear.

Can finally stop attending those boring government meetings. What a drag! If she had know that was part of the job, she might have thought twice about this governor thing.

Can finally open the boxes of checks she has been saving since last November. (Shhh, don't tell the IRS, maybe they forgot about them).

Can finally open all of the presents that nice people around the country have sent her. (Tired of wearing that same of yellow Granny Blanket sweater).

Can finally hug both of those little boys and call them grandchildren!

When she realizes that someone else is getting his picture taken everyday up there in Alaska, she can always ask for her old job back.

Helen said...

Lol Anon 6:25 how right you are - really its a win-win for her, her family, the public, Alaskans, for EVERYONE that La Palin is out of office. Oh, except for the poor Kooky Klan over at Cringers4Palin...now they just have to love Sarah for Sarah, and because she is so darned conservative ya know.

Anonymous said...

I especially like Palin's Petty Twitters. I am looking forward to the ones that will send her fingers flying after she leaves office and promises to be politically incorrect. Will she be using the N word? Drop the F-bomb? Will she insult religious and ethic groups that she doesn't like? Attack men and women who aren't "opposite" enough for her? How much more politically incorrect can she get?

Anonymous said...

I finally realized what $arah will be doing when she leaves office. Since her level of maturity is somewhere around Early High School, here are some of the things that she might be up to:
Calling the White House and hanging up when someone answers.
Sending 300 cheese and sausage pizzas to the White House.
Send twitters spreading nasty rumors about Hillary, Nancy and other strong women in politics who have been mean to her.
Is going to try to key the Presidential limo, but getting past the Secret Service is going to be a little harder than she thought.
TP White House garden, well, maybe just the fence.
Have a big Kegger Party and invite all of her friends from the McCain campaign. What the heck, invite John, too, although Cindy won't let him come.

Helen said...

Anons 5/49 and 5/56! You are funny! What a great idea - Top Ten Things Palin Will Do On Her First Day Off!

And the Top Ten Politically Incorrect Things Palin Plans To Twitter!

But Anons, are you the same person? Why anonymous when you are making us all laugh so much? Levi, is that you?

Anonymous said...

I think that I can be funnier if I impersonate the Unknown Comic (see The Gong Show). However, you come very close when you guess that I'm Levi. Try Mercede-- she's the smart one!

People that Sarah Palin hates so much that she can't wait to rip apart in her new Twitter account, coming this August:

John McCain- did I say that he goes wading for exercise? Excuse me, it's all that he can do lifting that heavy glass of geritol every day.

Cindy- eats one meal a day, spent more money on clothes than I did, and don't get me started about her hair.

Megan- eats more than one meal a day, don't get me started about her hair

Barack Obama- I just saw him on TV talking to Africans!

Joe the Plumber- He doesn't even belong to the Union. There, that should take care of him, thinks he can steal my spotlight.

Dear cherished fans at all of my very special websites- don't forget to read all 750 tweets from yesterday, and then be sure to donate to my various websites. Thanx

Anonymous Bloggers in their parents basements, wearing pajamas and writing nasty things about me-- you may have hounded me from office, but you will never pry these blackberries from this curled, clenched hand.

Meg Stapleton- listen, I may have run over my 140 limit, but clean these up, use those cute initials and stuff that the kids use LOL so they think I'm one of them

Seth Parnell- don't forget to copy Todd and I on your emails. Use the private account, and for goodness sake, use Blind Copy!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me, that was Sean Parnell, my bad. These tiny keys are so hard to type, my fingers are just flying along. And, don't pick on me for bad spelling or bad grammar just because I was a journalism major. I always intended to go on TV where you don't have to write anything, and you can just talk and also, too, therefore.

That third grade class who got the shout-out during the debate- hi kidz, don't forget to study, and play hockey. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Helen, are you on vacation? You are missing all of the fun!

Suggested topic for sometime in the future when they run out of news about Sarah Palin:
Private Citizen Sarah Palin's Tweets

Miss ya!